Resilience–on “what does not kill us makes us stronger”

 ” What does not kill us makes us stronger” holds under two conditions. First, the harm from those that can kill us is within our tolerance limits, thus we will survive. Second, a feedback mechanism must be in place so that we learn from the stress process. This feedback can either occur seemingly automatically without our conscious effort or with deliberate effort.

 

 

Let’s first look at automatic mechanisms built into our bodies. When we work out and our body is put in a challenged zone (body is stressed but not so stressed that it breaks down—resulting in illness or death), our body has many built-in biological mechanisms to send signals to various parts and systems, call them to take actions so to compensate for the stress it has undergone.  For example, after a few weeks’ weightlifting, our arms’ muscle mass grows. We can literally feel major muscles become harder. After a few week’s running, our legs become stronger, and lung breathing capacity increases. As a result, we often surprise ourselves by continuously running for a much longer stretch of time without having to take frequent breaks. Our muscle cells grow stronger after being stressed through running,  the cells in our lungs work more efficiently—being able to take in more oxygen and send out more carbon dioxide within a given time. As a result, we feel less stressed when running.  The existence of these awesome biological mechanisms in our body can be attributed to the tinkering of evolution over many millions of years.  

 

In fact,  all living things, animals or plants alike,  are endowed with these biological-based feedback mechanisms. Through overcompensating stressors, living things are made stronger.   You cut one branch of a tree, more branches will sprout out just in a few days in the Spring. In fact, the existence of moderate stress is essential for all living things to live and thrive.  Just as a sage announced, ” hell is whenever you want something, it appears in front of you right away.”   In other words, hell is where there is no stress–and stress can be induced only through uncertainty, change.

 

More remarkably,  for a complex system, even if stress is too much so that a  part of the system is completely damaged, another part of the system can step in and assume the role of the damaged one.    The human body is such a system.   For example, the blind often has much better hearing capability than a   normal person.  The deaf often has sharper eyesight.    Although once severed, our limbs will not regrow. However, with training, someone who lost both arms can rely on other parts of their body such as their feet, mouth to perform many tasks used to be done by their arms.

 

It becomes common sense that stress induced by  Intermittent fasting or intermittent intense exercises strengthen our immune system and make us living younger and longer.  The reason is that the evolution process tinkers our body so that it can withstand not eating for a certain period of time without breaking down or being harmed.  In hunter and gathering societies,  the practice of three meals a day at a fixed schedule is unthinkable,  our ancestors’ feeding pattern is more likely a feast-or-famine fashion. By voluntary fasting,  the built-in mechanism in our bodies is activated to compensate for the stress and as a result, makes us healthier.  HIIT exercises work in a similar fashion to provide exercisors health benefit.s

 

It is safe to claim that many chronic diseases are caused by the easiness of sedentary lifestyles.  Because of the easiness of our life physically,  the mechanisms endowed by nature through millions of years do not have a chance to play a role in our lives since we human beings have essentially eliminated famine from the Earth. Hence, we have to consciously stress our body, be strenuous exercises or fasting to trigger many built-in feedback mechanisms in our body so our body can better handle stress from without and in the process cure chronic diseases caused by easiness of our modern lifestyle.  As a matter of fact, mild type-II diabetes can be cured through fasting (Siberia has such a clinic–monitoring people going through long fasting to achieve health benefits).

 

It is fair to say that intermittent fasting,  HIIT( high-intensity intermittent activities) are examples we can do to inject uncertainty/risk into our body so to make it stronger and healthier. Now you probably understand the sage’s definition of “Hell”–a world devoid of stress.

 

The automatic feedback loop can also be mechanical instead of biological. However, it differs from the biological mechanism in the sense that it often does not overcompensate; so stress to such items will not make them stronger, but the existence of a mechanical feedback mechanism can protect them from being burnt or damaged, and through human intervention, they can be restored to function properly.  You can find many such items in modern household appliances. Our electric water kettles turn off automatically once the water boils, rice cookers switch to warm mode once the rice is cooked, space heaters shut themselves off once overheated.  Therefore, it is fair to say that  “although stress cannot kill many man-made items, but cannot make them stronger.” The reason is that these man-made items are not organic and relatively simple; they are not alive, they do not breathe. 

Inanimate and non-organic things in our daily lives such as tables, chairs, utensils, sofas do not have the above man-made mechanisms although designers could do so; but do not probably for economical reasons. It is more convenient and cheaper to replace them.  These things can withstand normal tears and wears, but abnormal stress can destroy them.   For example, you tap a cup repeatedly without causing any damage; but if you brush it off a table and let it fall off to a hard-surfaced floor, it will break into pieces. what cannot “kill” a cup such as tapping may not break it, but will not make it “stronger” either.  How do non-organic things differ from organic ones? They do not have a feedback mechanism in place. Of course, designers can intervene by adding a feedback mechanism to them so  to prevent them from being destroyed as those household items mentioned above. someone can attach a net to the periphery of the desk, so the cup cannot be caught before falling to the floor; however, such preemptive action is too troublesome to be justifiable.

 

Now let’s move to the social realm. We all experience failures or setbacks of one kind or another, inconsequential or consequential. Many of us bounce back to the norm remarkably.  As professionals, getting fired at work is terrible; as students, failing an exam is a disaster. For those that undergo a divorce,  losing the custody of children is unbearable.  Remarkably, many of us emerge from life crises of various forms unscathed.  And, indeed, many become stronger.  Catastrophic events often shake up old belief systems that are imposed on us by our upbringing, and our environments;  along with the shakeup of beliefs, we often adopt new believes and ideas. Along with it, we also change our habits, behaviors, and thoughts.  These changes affect our interactions with the environment, and thus bring changes to our circumstances and situation, often for the better.     It is fair to say that surviving a catastrophic event transforms or even metamorphoses us, but this can occur only if we have adapted and changed consciously.

 

 

If we do not change, then a similar occurrence will repeat itself again and again.   That’s why if we live long enough, we can often recognize certain similar patterns in all areas of our lives repeated many times.  Some people cannot hold their jobs for more than three or four years. Often not long into a new job, they will see negative sides of the new job that inevitably cause dissatisfaction. And, these negative sides are absolutely true.  It is so much easier to complain than to do something to change the negativities. However, complaints rarely lead to happy endings. On the contrary, they often lead to unhappy endings.   Eventually, voluntarily or involuntarily, complainers will have to look for a new position again elsewhere.  A similar process may also apply to personal relationships.  Not long after divorcing someone with certain qualities you cannot tolerate,  you start a relationship again. soon enough, to your dismay, the new partner resembles your ex in many ways.   Unaware of this repeated pattern and its causes, we will live in a greyhound day ( a movie where the host wakes up every morning, finding the day is the same as yesterday), similar problems will arise one after another perpetually.

 

 

To get out of repeated unpleasant patterns in our life, we must acknowledge that imperfection, hardship, or differences are unavoidable and develop a certain tolerant attitude towards them.  Otherwise,  negativities will drag us down,  make us unhappy forever because no matter how good or how well a person, a thing, or a situation seemingly is, you can always find their dark side because of the duality of the world at large. For example,  the closer we get to someone, the easier for us to spot his/her weakness.  That’s why closeness brews contempt or disrespect. Because of this,  servants or drivers of big shots or celebrities rarely admire their employers. Huiyin Lin(林徽因）, the academic celebrity and scholar who has been talked over and over  even after she has been dead for over sixty years, in her children’s eyes she was just a mother who was sick a lot.  To break the negative cycles mentioned above, one must become more tolerable,  acknowledging and accepting a certain degree of imperfection and ambiguity.  There are no ideal jobs, ideal mates, ideal family, or ideal friends. It all depends on which side you emphasize, the dark side, or the bright side.  

 

Acknowledging the above fact, a person who is discontent and attributes the source of discontent to the external world will not instantaneously become an upbeat optimistic person. However, it will help him or her to realize the futileness of complaining, criticizing, and resisting what is now.  If one is still not happy with one’s situation, instead of complaining, he or she will become more inclined to take action to change the immediate environment or situation. Only positive feedback loops in face of difficulties can make you stronger. Complaining and criticizing often trigger negative feedback into the situation, dragging a person into a downward spiral. 

 

Hence, what does not kill you immediately can eventually kill you if it makes you bitter, pulls you down into a living hell. On the contrary, taking imperfection or hardship as unavoidable, our mind will stop futile resistance to what it is, and become more accepting. Only with this attitude, we can find a way out of discontent and resistance to the now. Miraculously, acceptance and nonresistance sometimes simply melt and dissolve the predicament without our conscious effort. Then indeed, we can claim “what does not kill us makes us stronger”.