After reading < a year of less>

After finishing reading, or more precise,  browsing through < a year of less>,  I am somewhat smug about myself; I do not addict to anything! 

The book title is very deceiving.  Perhaps only 5% of the book talks about getting rid of stuff.   In the rest of the pages, the author is talking about how she became addicted to alcohol and  how she overcame it over time and saved money to  become consumer-debt free, intercepted by a few personal matters that are typical of people of her age in the western world: career changes, boy friends/girl friends, and parents’ divorcing.

Becoming sober and saving money  go hand in hand as going to bar two or more times  a week is costly.  Two chapters into the book, I got tired of the book. Though she is a good writer, I grew up in a different country and different era and I simply did not have the luxury to becoming addicted to anything other than studying hard and working hard. Her personal stories simply do not relate to me.

Reflecting back of my life, I have to admit that my current life (after living in the US for more than two decades)  has also been caught in  the consumerism of things/information. After all, I am not completely addiction-free.

Shopping Less naturally as I age.

I did not deliberately started a shopping ban. However, after turning 50,  my interest of shopping for clothing naturally waned. Last year, I shopped only once in winter—getting a light down coat and fleece lounge wear from Uniqlo. This year, I bought 2 summer hiking pants and 1 UV-protection summer running top. That’s all. 

I relocated every 4-5 years because of job changes. Every time I moved, I wished I had less.   Whenever I wanted to buy something bulky, I will remind myself  “hold it, you do not need it.” Naturally, these “wants” go away.

My Current Closet is still busy

Still, my closet is full. last night, I decided to change my bedtime routine: Instead of consuming youtube videos, I created an EXCEL worksheet and tried to record inventories of clothing I own, based on my recollection. It is not too difficult to remember them.

Though I still own a few pieces of  very old clothing—wool suit jackets-custom-made-before I came to U.S.  in 1998, I found that most of stuff  taking up my closet space were purchased between 2018-2020, more than 80%, nearly all from Uniqlo.

This number tells me loud and clear that in this period, I did “therapeutic shopping” online fro Uniqlo! After all, I am not completely free from addiction.

Therapeutic Shopping and How I Quit it.

People often say “therapeutic shopping”; this indeed rings a bell in me. I was doing exactly that in that period 2017-2020 or into early period of 2021: The extra dopomine release from receiving a package from Uniqlo  helped numbed myself from the pain  built up from work! I was unhappy only after one month into the new position. Can I prove it?  Yes.

  After I left the job but before relocating to Denver, during the pandemic, I bought an e-bike. After that, I quitted shopping on Uniqlo. Instead,  I shopped for  biking clothing and accessories.  It can be claimed that a new shopping pastime replaced the old.

Biking clothing are toooo expensive. I  cut back  spending on it on time after purchasing one or two good and expensive pieces during Christmas in 2021. After all, I grew up in a poverty-ridden country side in China, having only two pairs of underwear and one pair of shoes until I entered high school. I have been always careful in how to spend my hard-earned money. Since then, when whether was nice, I would be out with my bike in the nearby forest park. Gradually, the bike replaced my car as the vehicle for grocery shopping. Luckily, the two grocery stores I shopped often are within four miles. In the process, I discovered that St. Louis is quite biker-friendly.  

Soon after the splurge on expensive cycling outfits,  I realized that leisure/recreational cycling does not require fancy, flashy, and big-ticket cycling clothing. I cycled every day back in China before I came to the States. Back then, I never had any special clothing for cycling, not even a helmet that is considered must-haves for cyclists in the U.S.. It is good to have clothing designed specifically for cycling, say for “wind-proof” and “sweat-whisking”, but they are “wants”, not “needs” for a leisure cyclist.

With the help of the battery, I was brave enough to venture out even further. For several times, I biked all the way to downtown and along the Missisipppi river— a trip of between 30-50miles.  The sense of adventure gave me high. I no longer needed shopping to release myself from stress. Cycling and walking in nature replace serve this purpose much better. It strengthens my body and mind, not chips away my hard-earned money.

 

What happened during my Uniqlo Shopping Spree Years.

 Let me recount what happened in that period.  In fall 2017, I relocated from Hong Kong back to the U.S., despite knowing the job I took was far from ideal and my previous University is way better, both in pay and working environment. 

“But it didn’t matter”, I thought to myself, “I cannot stand living in a crowded city like Hong Kong anymore”, I consoled myself; I can shift away my energy from work more toward living, once I move back to the spacious space  in the U.S.: big house, big park, lots of open green space, and I no longer have to face “people mountain and people sea” everyday!   Later, I found I cannot even predict future myself! 

It is simply hard for me to detach myself from work. To a larger degree, my identity and self-worth is highly associated with my achievement at work despite it negatively affected me in my personal life–involuntarily lead a single life in the U.S., while all my closest family members (parents, siblings) and friends live on the other end of the global, whom I got to see at most once a year (sometimes once after eight year for my trip back to China due to visa issue, once every four years due to the recent Pandemic). 

The more sacrifices I made on the personal level, the more I cling to career as a source of  self-esteem, the less tolerant I become to the shortcomings of myself and the workplace. Perhaps this is the root reason I cannot resist the urge to move to the next better position.  

I need to take a step back and reassess my life purpose and self-worth more holistically.

The Idea of Minimalism/Simple Life is not new to me.

In the relocation process in 2017, I got rid of about 50% of my clothing. In the first few months when I was back in the U.S., I was happy with my lean closet. All clothing were packed and moved with me in two suitcases;  the bulk  of my clothing were with a moving company and they did not arrive until Christmas. 

Winter was coming,  I needed to shop for warmer clothing. At that time, I found  and started to shop at Uniqlo while waiting for my shipment to arrive. This all sounded normal enough. I needed warmer clothing.

Uniqlo is a Japanese fashion company. It offers basic styles and prices are humble.  They fit me well,  better than clothing at Ann Taylor or Banana Republic or J-Crews, my old favorites.    What I did not realize is that in the process I gradually became addicted to the excitement I received from shopping.  It numbs my pain and depression from my new job.

The department had gong through a huge turn-over. Five faculty members retired just before I joined. This results in  one guy who were in his late 50s and forever in the department becoming the sovereign of of the department along with his former PhD students who stayed and worked in the department.    The guy is heavy-handed and a micro-manager, often stepped into my office, saying “you are not fitting in etc.” I objected and demanded not being spoken in that way.  Since then, my nightmare started.  I was assigned to a new course almost every semester and in one semester, he squeezed into three additional community college outreach courses into my schedule on top of my regular teaching load, claiming they were not considered as extra load as I taught online.   The list could go on.

The situation got worse and worse as time went on until I was eventually forced out of the place during the pandemic, the worst time being on the job market.

To be sane, stress has to be released one way or another. Goodbye, Shopping Therapy.

I was an immigrant in the U.S. .My family and friends back in China would not understand a bit of my predicament. Talking to them was of no use, only making them worried.

I had no friends other than colleagues in the city. Besides shopping online, the other way to decompress and recreation was to take a walk on Delmar loop and watch people, or to take a walk in the nearby famous city park–forest park–or the visit the Art Museum in the park.

Last Fall, I moved to Denver. The job is not ideal either. And, inevitably it comes with stress. This time I cope it with walking in  neighborhood trails or nearby mountain trails when weather is nice.  In Winter, whenever an unpleasant agitation rises up, I take out my bike, cycling to a nearby lake, or stop at the community gym to run and work out.   It  provides positive feedback to me slowly but definitely in a few months. I am several pounds lighter than I was in St. Louis.

Living in the suburban, I don’t have the chance to visit botanical garden or art museum of Denver yet.  In winter time, when most parks are closed, I will do that. I just got my public library card, another friendly and fun place to hang out when I want to hear noises  and companies from fellow homo sapiens to combat the sense of loneliness.

Reading a good book also gave me high; and the internet or libraries have oceans of them.