I decided to quit complaining

I decided to stop complaining.

Why? Because I find it is destroying my life.

It is like a negativity amplifier: one dam thing leads to another.  It makes my body rigid and ache. It rubs smiles off my face; it causes me to worry and not able to sleep at night, and cannot get up and seize the day.

It makes me feel I am a complete failure in all possible ways. My career seems going downward despite my accomplishment is better than many of my peers. As a result, I felt I have been swimming against strong currents in a flooded river in the past two decades, still not seeing a way out. As an immigrant, uprooting too many times in an adopted country is costly. It costs friendships. Without social network support, I feel I am a complete loner, more much alone than a monk or a nun who have believers, followers and other monks or nuns.  I feel Life is numbingly uninteresting and not worth living. It is hard to imagine how I can trudge through the remainder of my life. 

How to change the situation for better? I do not know.

Perhaps I can start to reduce the number of daily complaint. Complaining habit has been ingrained in me for too long.

Start to quietly endure things that I cannot control or change like my maternal grandma did,  and take actions for those matters I can influence or change instead of complaining to someone else or hoping someone will come to my rescue, because  no one else cares me as much as myself in the world. I am responsible for my own happiness.

If lousy feeling/emotion springs up, I will

• go out for a walk
• tidy and clean my desk, my kitchen counter top, sweeping floors and putting my closet in order. These activities provide immediate positive feedbacks, giving me a sense of in-control and in-charge.
• read classical books—If there is no friend to speak to, I can certainly find great thinks and writers from the thousands years of human history. I can meet them in books.
• play piano–learning a tune a week. 
• improve my articulation both in speaking and writing in English through the following means:
  • Expand my lexicon,
  • improve my voice–tone, speed, volume, and enunciation by reading books 5-10minutes a day,
  • writing for 5-10 minutes a day on this website.
• Talk to a kid–my sister’s 7-year old daughter.
• call up an old friend.