Listening and Speaking as an Academician

I failed to listen.

Years of academic career has take a toll on my ability to listen. Not long ago, a colleague who seldom drops by my office suddenly sat down in my office. We started with one minute of chit-chat; then I spent time talking about the three new course preparations I got in my first semester and all gradings and numerous fruitless departmental/committee meetings.  Later I realized that I treated my nice colleague as a friend whom I can release pressure from work.     

I finally finished my vent; then she said, ” I just want to tell you and I can joining.  XXX University next semester.”   Oh, my god, I should have thought about it. She was not coming to listen my complaint, but rather politely inform me of her new better opportunity in another institution in the same city.

At that moment, I realized how far I have drifted far away to communication. It seems that whenever someone comes to me, I will seize the opportunity to talk about my troubles or myself, not even wonder why s/he comes to see me. My inner monologue seems to overflow of me whenever a potential listener appears.  

Perhaps decades of academic career has turned me into a superficial hermit. Although I am fine seemingly, going on my daily routine without little interactions with people. However, deep down, I long for true and meaningful connections with people. Lacking  such connections has created a vacuum inside me. Thus, whenever an opportunity arises, I seize it and  try to fill the vacuum by dumping my complaints; but dumping complaints without discretion will not help me making meaningful connections and change the situation for the better. It will often further alienate me from others,  no one likes to be near someone who is sulky and grumpy.

Perhaps the first step for me is to give up resistance to whatever life hurls at me. Accept them.

Situations and conditions—–complaints

When I was younger, I would probably think my complaints are total justified and worthy of complaints.  

I joined the college not long ago. It is small, so are classes, especially elective classes. I had to prepare a new course every single semester. Some courses I have not taught in my career and therefore I have to start from scratch; I need to do a lot:  finding out what prior knowledge students may have,  what their career inspirations are, and what role the knowledge I am about to teach in the course will likely play in helping student to boost-start their career. After doing this, then I can start to design the course itself.   The whole course development process requires.  tremendous time and effort. At the same time, there are pressures from research side.   I am the only one on tenure-track or tenured professor in an engineering-dominating university. I am expected to get grants. Never before in my prior institutions require such.     All other colleagues need only focus on  teaching and seem to enjoy their life: come to teach and disappear soon after classes are over. And, for the first time in my life, I had serious eczema, 99% of my body including face and scalp were red-hot with rashes.

Given the situation, I have all reasons to vent and blow out pressure, just not at a colleague; better at the big dry creek in my neighborhood, or rocky flats.  I must learn to accept difficulties and imperfections, or whatever life throws at us.

Train my mind  gradually just like I train my physical body

Now after much suffering through my early career phase and going through many challenges as a new immigrant of this country, I have a much more well-rounded attitude. I give myself some breathing room; decided not to blame myself  despite my inappropriate venting above mentioned and being oblivious to my colleague’s purpose of visiting my office. 

When I ruminate in a negative mode, I now leave my office and hit the gym. I started to run regularly, first at a tortoise like speed–4 mph. Now  after seven months into regular exercises, my waist slimmed by one or two inches, and I can run at 6mph–a remarkable progress for someone who hates exercises, especially running.

Our mind might trick us, but our physical body does not lie. You exercise; your performance improves. Perhaps our mind works in a similar way, only that I have not experienced it yet.

Like training my body, I can train my mind, not paying too much attention to negative voices in my head.

Arts as antidotes to  my over-analytical mind

Academic life often requires long duration of high concentration,  tuning out of the environment, whenever we prepare for or on the tact of teaching a class, write up/revise a paper, draft and write up responses to referees of my research papers; or simply think through the research field of our interests. The degree of concentration can be a bit lighter when preparing for teaching, but all other activities require absolution concentration.   This habit of being absorbed into oneself now seems to bleed through other areas of my life including one-on-one interaction with people, especially while in office where I am set in a working mode, as the example above demonstrates.  

I must do something to reverse the process.  Art requires us to use our five sense. It is a natural antidote to over-analyzing mind.  Einstein is known for his violin playing.    I love music, and I have a piano that follows me over  numerous moves; including two across-pacific ocean moves.  

Additionally, during the pandemic, I invested in a Sony mirrorless full-frame camera and bought several high quality lens and learned to use Adobe Lightroom to process raw picture files.   Living close to mountains, I can continue to my photograph on hiking journeys.